Unrequited: 1. Zero Dark 21

The summer ended as it should.  Both DJ and Payne spent valuable time together.  Their relationship seemed solid as a rock, almost impenetrable. 

DJ was enrolled in summer school at Wesley and working part-time at a local casino in guest services. 

DJ was made the secretary of their chapter during summer school.  Payne was no longer the chapter president, Shawn, Payne’s previous vice president is now the chapter president.  Shawn took a liking to DJ.  He and DJ were the exact same age and both were majoring in Political Science.

DJ

DJ used the summer to get to know the campus and the people.  To be sure, Wesley is much larger than Dawn.  DJ would have to wake up early enough to beat traffic to leave Payne’s apartment to get to the other side of campus so he could shower just to walk to the side of campus where Payne’s apartment was.

It was a small sacrifice.  He enjoyed spending time with Payne.

But now that the fall semester was about to begin, DJ had to move on campus and actually stay there nights.  His suite mates were all white boys: two from rural towns in north Florida and one from Virginia.  North Florida is more like the rest of the South so they share many of the prejudices of any other white person living in the South.

His roommate, Andrew, tried hard to befriend him.  In general, DJ felt uneasy when anyone tried too hard to befriend him.  It’s not that he didn’t think he was worthy of friendship.  He just didn’t understand why someone would exert so much energy on something that isn't reciprocated.  However, Andrew was a sexy white boy.  He wasn’t the most attractive white guy.  DJ did enjoy Andrew’s need to walk around in boxers though.  One of his suitemates particularly enjoyed walking around naked, especially in front of him.  DJ took that as him baiting him on, trying to see if he were gay.

DJ would return to the room at just about the same time every day and his suitemate would inexplicably be standing in the shower.  The way their suite was made and the lack of a curtain, his suitemate was always standing in the shower with the door often wide open and he’d be standing there under the water. 

The way he was able to cup his dick and nuts in one hand told DJ that he didn’t have anything too impressive.  However, he was attractive in a way that Andrew wasn’t.  DJ had never found anyone with so much muscle to be attractive and yet he was.  His suitemate would often smile when DJ walked in and would then drop his hand and continue doing whatever he was doing.

The way he moved in those moments really tested the limits of his love for Payne.  But no matter the temptation, no matter what little ounce of curiosity he had, DJ never allowed himself to fall for it.

After all, this was the same guy that remarked he wish he were old enough to have voted for Trump.  To DJ, that was probably the worst quality he could have.  Plus, underneath the good looks, DJ could tell his suitemate would not have those rugged good looks for very long.  DJ never took the time to learn his name.  His other suitemate was an ultra-conservative that watched FOX news every day.  DJ never went into their room but they were always in his room.  Andrew was cool with both of them.

But DJ spent the semester preparing for the next line of his chapter.  The chapter was going to have a line of one just for him so he could cross nationally.

DJ spent the semester joining organizations like the campus chapter of the NAACP, Student Government and NABJ (National Association of Black Journalists). 

On the weekends, Payne and DJ would both explore what life was like as gay black men.  Payne was the more social of the two so he made all the friends.  DJ often questioned the type of relationship he had with his friends because they all seemed to talk in code when he was around.  They also didn’t seem to like him.  That was another problem for DJ.  DJ was always a very likeable person.  He never set out to be likeable and yet he simply was.  If someone didn’t like him he often questioned where that was coming from. 

Once, during the summer, Payne invited someone over to the apartment.  This guy was fire!  He had a cappuccino complexion and toned muscles.  To be honest, this was just the type of person Payne found attractive.  DJ knew that to be true because they had similar tastes in men.  DJ was completely caught off guard by the presence of this new friend of Payne’s. 

DJ was so surprised that he answered the door wearing basketball shorts with no shirt or underwear.  Payne had never mentioned him before and when asked about their meeting they were both rather evasive.

Darron

“How did the two of you meet?” asked DJ. DJ was still near naked as he tried to question this new friend of Payne’s.  DJ is normally a prude but something about this situation made every part of his brain work into overdrive.  For instance, Payne did not kiss him as he normally did.  He also loved it when DJ walked around naked or half naked.  This time there wasn’t even a mention or eyes that showed approval.

“Oh, I’ve been knowing Darron for a while now” replied Payne.

Instinctively, DJ immediately looked at Darron who raised an eyebrow.  Realizing he let out “a tell”, Darron smiled and started telling a story about how they met.  As Darron told his story DJ knew one of them was lying because the time he said they were together hanging out was around the same time period he and Payne first hooked up. 

“Right.  It has been a while hasn’t it.  Feels like just last week.  So you two are roommates, huh?”  Darron’s words hung there for a moment.  DJ had too many questions and he reasoned that if he pounced he might not get his questions answered. 

“No.  Payne and I aren’t roommates.  Why do you think that?”

Without cause, DJ noticed Darron assessing him in a way that let him know that Darron was judging him.  He could tell by the look that Darron was unimpressed. 

Payne had been between the bathroom and his bedroom.  From DJ’s perspective it seemed as if Payne was preparing to go somewhere.  In that moment, DJ could actually smell fresh cologne.  The smell of Payne’s best cologne, the cologne that would send DJ into tailspins when he smelled it around the neck of Payne, this normally comforting smell has now incensed DJ.

The more they talked Darron seemed more and more apprehensive about talking to DJ until a few layers were peeled.  But, after being judged for a reason he didn't understand, DJ felt less easy about asking more questions.  His next question was asked sheepishly. 

“So, Darron, where are you from?”  This was such a benign question.  DJ's nerves are shot.  He has let this freshman from another city steal his confidence. 

“Well, I’m actually from Katy, Texas.  I came to Florida for school.  You're probably from a small town huh?”

“Actually, yes I am.  Both me and Payne are from small towns.  Wow.  Are you on an academic scholarship?”

“Actually, yes I am.  It’s interesting that you would assume I’m here on an academic scholarship and not an athletic scholarship.”  Darron said that with a bit of a smile; he had loosened up.  DJ had impressed him.  It was true, Darron’s build would easily have him mistaken for a runner on a track team or even a high school basketball player.  Darron was tall but he topped out at 6'2". 

“I’m working on my BS in mechanical engineering.  I’ve been interning at a firm back in Houston.  The firm has a contract with the city of Houston.  I pretty much have the next eight years of my life planned out.  What about you?  What are your plans?”

“I see.  That’s probably how the two of you met.  Talking about school or whatever.  That’s one of his passions.  Payne likes to talk to people about furthering their academics by pursuing a masters or PhD.”  DJ heard the question about his future.  The truth was that he had no clue what his future held for him.  DJ didn’t think that far ahead.  But what he did hear was an opening to know more about what was really going on.

“Who, Payne?  I’m not certain he even knows what I’m majoring in or that I’m even in school.  But it’s funny; now that I’m meeting you and talking to you, you are the real deal.  Why are you with him?”

All the warning signs DJ sensed before had become panic.  DJ felt this immeasurable since of pain in his stomach.  He was so distracted all he could do was stare at Darron.  His honesty, while welcomed, also gave him a bit of a confirmation that DJ had not known what to do with.

In that moment, DJ heard Payne again.  Deflecting from the pain of that moment and resolving not to show any weakness on his part, DJ asked, “Payne, were you able to get your son something for his birthday?”

“No, I got him something.”  Payne said that as if he was putting emphasis on each word.

“Oh.  What did you get him?”

Darron noticed DJ’s face and his body language.  Though DJ was facing Darron, he could see that DJ’s shoulders squared up and the slight bend of his back is now replaced with an erect posture.  Darron could be mistaken but he felt like DJ could start swinging blows any moment.  He didn’t know whether DJ would start hitting him or Payne first.

There was a pause.  The pause usually told DJ that Payne had been caught in a lie.  “Well, if you haven’t gotten him anything yet, you should consider just getting him a game for his XBOX.”

“That is a good idea.  Thank you.”

“So, what are you doing right now?”

“I’m getting dressed.”

“For what?”

In that moment, it hit Payne that DJ had no clue what his plans were.  “Oh.  Darron and I were about to go out to a club.”  Payne gave Darron a look like he needed help with answering this question. 

“Okay.  I can’t go?”  It was obvious to DJ that the plan was never for him to join along.  It was also a weird suggestion for DJ to understand because it was Payne that had always expressed trepidation about going to a club while DJ was always suggesting they attend one.  It’s strange now that Payne would want to attend a club with someone new and not have DJ attend with him.

“Well, I thought just Darron and I would go.”

“You thought.  And what about me?  What about the plans we made together?”  The look on Payne’s face made it painfully clear to DJ that Payne had forgotten all about their plans to catch a movie.  “So you just expect me to stay here, all alone on my birthday weekend?  How the hell you spring this on me like this?  I just made 21 and we planned that you would take me to the casino now that I’m 21.”

Darron is watching this go down and starts to feel uncomfortable.  He looks at DJ with a sympathetic eye.  He can imagine the thoughts going through DJ’s head.  So, he offers something he thinks will  make DJ happy.

“Hey, Payne, it’s a'ight.  We can hang out another time.  It wasn’t that crucial anyway.”

DJ didn’t wait for Payne’s response.  He already felt extremely weak in this position.  Right now, every part of DJ wanted to knock Payne out.  But he needed to control himself before he did something he would later regret.  Instead, DJ stood up from the sofa, crossed Payne’s path, who was standing near the other end of the sofa nearest the bathroom and two bedrooms.  DJ walked into the bedroom to collect his clothes, keys and shoes.

“Where are you going,” asked Payne.

“Well if you two plan on fucking, you might as well use your apartment instead of going somewhere else.  I can just go to my dorm room or spend time with my family back home.” DJ’s tone was mixed with many emotions that were easily bubbling up.  Control was the one he was actively trying to summon but doing the worst job at it with his voice.

To be fair, that sentence wasn’t what he wanted to utter but it was the one that came out.  DJ’s complete candor about the situation clued Payne into the fact that his ruse wasn’t as veiled as he thought.

“I think I should go.  You two have a lot to talk about.”  Darron’s tone was one of self-preservation and respect for DJ.  Darron really just wanted to get his back blown out but found a relationship he was about to destroy instead. Along the way, he found he had a few things in common with the man he would have destroyed.  His heart leapt for DJ.

Payne honestly didn’t hear Darron but DJ did. 

“No!  Darron, you stay.  It was obvious you didn’t know I’d be here.  But he knew I’d be here.  If he wanted to fuck over me he could have taken you anywhere.”

“Baby, I don’t know what you think we were about to do but we weren’t about to have sex.  You’re trippin.”

DJ and Darron were both still looking at each other when Payne said that and both men gave each other a look that told the other that Payne couldn’t possibly believe what he was selling.

“What kind of narcissistic bullshit you trying to pull?” shouted DJ.  By this time, Payne grabbed DJ by the shoulders.  Payne was much more muscular than DJ but DJ never missed the opportunity to show Payne he wasn’t afraid of him.  DJ could never win a match of brawn against Payne but that was never DJ’s intent.  He simply could not allow another man to dominate him without an honest fight.

“Get the fuck off me, you dumb bitch.”

Darron made it to the door but chuckled on his way out.  Payne seemed oblivious to Darron’s exit.  “Your lil fuck for tonight just left.  You might as well go and get him.  You’re just gonna hit him back up again when I’m not around anyway.  But you know what, I don’t know why I’m even dealing with this.  Fuck whoever you want.  Just let me go.”

“DJ, I promise, I wasn’t going to have sex with him.  Yes, he wanted to have sex with me but I just wanted a friend.  I enjoy our time together but sometimes I just want to have fun with other people.  I didn’t stop to think that you would feel this way.”

DJ listened to all this.  He was processing everything.  DJ had a way about him that let him know when Payne was lying.  He knew Payne was lying but he wasn’t certain what about so he had to take everything in.

“So you mean to tell me that this guy wanted to actively break us up? You’re telling me that on some level you were entertaining a man who you knew wanted to have sex with you.  You also put on your cologne.  I don’t know if you even know this about yourself, but you only put cologne on when sex is on your mind.  The smell of your cologne always tells me that you want to have sex.  You’re also telling me yet again that you think I’m the dumbest motherfucker around because only a special fool in hell would believe the shit you peddling.  Man, you a fucking liar.  Just say what the truth is.”

Payne gave DJ a look like a deer transfixed on the lights of an incoming car barreling down a country road in the rain, paralyzed by the truth of DJ’s words Payne finally admitted, “I wanted him but I didn’t think it would get that far.  Part of me wanted you to do something that would show me how you felt, which you did.  Another part of me wanted to be with him because he made it so easy.”

“Loser ass, fuck boy!  I don’t know what’s more pathetic: you right now or me for choosing you.”

***Thank you for reading!  To ensure you are always able to read the most recent stories, follow the page!***